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messygorgeousI was going to write about how my new house is gorgeous and my neighborhood is lovely but the house still feels weird and my neighborhood feels weird and I feel conspicuous walking my dogs (Is it social anxiety or is that just what it is like in a neighborhood?) and I was wondering how long it takes before the new place starts to feel like home but then my daughter got dumped by her boyfriend this weekend and that became much more important.
My poor girl. She has been dating this guy for eight months. That's pretty much an eternity when you are 14 years old!
When they started dating in January I had my reservations about the kid but he proved to be a good friend and a good guy to her in general and he has always made her feel special. They are both a little off the wall and I think they worked in the way of that old Dr. Seuss quote that says something like "We are all a little weird. When we meet someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours we join in mutual weirdness and call it love." Their weirdness was definitely compatible.
Over the past eight months they saw each other at school daily, celebrated both their birthdays together, went tubing on the Chattahoochee River, spent a few lazy Saturdays at each others houses watching River Monsters and scary movies and went to the eighth grade dance together. There was a lot of hand holding and hugging and some smooching too.
He gave my daughter a flower ring he made out of Fimo clay - he called it a "promise" ring (promising what, exactly?) and a pile of drawings and pretty much his entire collection of sweaters because she is always cold. Seriously, I told her the boy is going to freeze this winter and get pneumonia because she has all his hoodies and flannels.
She gave him a snowglobe with snowpeople cuddling in it, a pile of candy with romantic puns on Valentine's Day, homemade caramels - his very favorite - just because, and a lot of wholesome security because his mom has a progressive autoimmune disorder and his dad is mostly absent and his sisters don't really give a damn so she chose to be his biggest cheerleader.
I acted as chauffeur, chef, took the kid to high school orientation because his mom couldn't...I was sweet to him too.
And then on Thursday, after he gave her a bag of gummy bears at school and yelled across a crowded hall that he loved her...around 9:00 that night he called her up and dumped her. I suppose i should be proud of him he didn't just do it in a text.
Did I think they were going to stay together for a million years and get married? Nah. But this just seemed so SUDDEN.
When she didn't bring her phone downstairs on Thursday at bedtime I texted her and she responded saying Jackson wanted to "take a break." This take a break thing is such bullshit. That phrase didn't exist when I was dating - you either dated someone or you didn't, but as the dumper, you didn't get to make a breakup easier on yourself by saying "Yeah, it's just a break...you know, until we're ready to get back together." Wait...YOU just dumped ME, I wasn't wanting to be apart in the first place!
She was crying and kept saying "He said we can get back together..." and I had to be the one to tell her that he was really breaking up with her, not to delude herself...and she didn't believe me until he called her the very next night and said "Yeah, I think we should officially break up." Jackass! Please, just draw out the agony a little longer.
That first night I just let her cry, and my husband and I both talked with her about how much it hurts and that only time will make it better. Which sucks when you want your heart to stop hurting RIGHT NOW. But then I told her she needed to wash her face and get some sleep because she had school in the morning and she needed to walk in looking fabulous and acting fine. Don't give that boy the satisfaction of thinking he means anything to you anymore. I told her she could come home on Friday afternoon and fall apart for the next two days but for her sake, she needed to look good - and act like she felt good - on Friday.
She did it. She got up on Friday, took a few shaky breaths, took off the ring he gave her and went to school.
The boy tried to act like all was well between them. Calling out "Hey Girl" all friendly and sending her a text a few minutes later with freaking HEART EMOJIS. She is texting me then saying "What is he doing, mama?"
I don't know...assuaging his guilt?
She made it through Friday and when she got home I had brownies and Ben & Jerry's and Lindor truffles and Doritos so we could watch movies and snuggle on the couch and eat our feelings. Of course, in the middle of watching Superbad - completely inappropriate but I wanted to make her smile - he send the "breakup for real" text and then she dissolves into tears again.
The rest of the weekend was spent listening to sad songs, watching Ladybird and crying together and finally I called in reinforcements and had her friend Alex spend the night Saturday. They ate mozzarella sticks and watched silly Vine compilations together and she made it past Night 3, critical stage, of her first real breakup.
I am trying to help her make it through this knowing that even if this boy made the choice to end a relationship with her, this is still her story to write. I don't want her to question her self worth because some skinny kid rejected her. I am trying to help her keep her dignity in the midst of heartache because god knows we have all done stupid shit when we got dumped and our feelings were ripped to shreds. Even my husband told her about how he is still embarrassed, 20 years later, with how he behaved when his first love broke up with him at 19. I am also trying to help her be real about their chances of getting back together. We all know how badly THAT kind of fantasy can end. This kid's MO has been to date one girl until he meets someone he likes better, dump the first girl and within the week start dating someone else.
He sent her a message on Snapchat last night that said "I'm going to tell everyone tomorrow," and she responded "I think people already know." But she still sobbed afterward.
Today, Monday, she got up and got dressed and went to school again to face all the kids going "You and J broke up?" and do you know he TOTALLY wussed out! Suddenly he was sick. He still sent a Snap out to all his friends at lunchtime saying that he and my daughter broke up, that he did it and that there were no hard feelings. Yeah, whatever.
I know she will be stronger at the end of all this, and her heart will be a little tougher.
But she will also be a little less starry-eyed about love, a little less innocent and I'd like to egg the dude's house to let him know what a worthless chicken shit I think he is for breaking her heart.
My poor girl. She has been dating this guy for eight months. That's pretty much an eternity when you are 14 years old!
When they started dating in January I had my reservations about the kid but he proved to be a good friend and a good guy to her in general and he has always made her feel special. They are both a little off the wall and I think they worked in the way of that old Dr. Seuss quote that says something like "We are all a little weird. When we meet someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours we join in mutual weirdness and call it love." Their weirdness was definitely compatible.
Over the past eight months they saw each other at school daily, celebrated both their birthdays together, went tubing on the Chattahoochee River, spent a few lazy Saturdays at each others houses watching River Monsters and scary movies and went to the eighth grade dance together. There was a lot of hand holding and hugging and some smooching too.
He gave my daughter a flower ring he made out of Fimo clay - he called it a "promise" ring (promising what, exactly?) and a pile of drawings and pretty much his entire collection of sweaters because she is always cold. Seriously, I told her the boy is going to freeze this winter and get pneumonia because she has all his hoodies and flannels.
She gave him a snowglobe with snowpeople cuddling in it, a pile of candy with romantic puns on Valentine's Day, homemade caramels - his very favorite - just because, and a lot of wholesome security because his mom has a progressive autoimmune disorder and his dad is mostly absent and his sisters don't really give a damn so she chose to be his biggest cheerleader.
I acted as chauffeur, chef, took the kid to high school orientation because his mom couldn't...I was sweet to him too.
And then on Thursday, after he gave her a bag of gummy bears at school and yelled across a crowded hall that he loved her...around 9:00 that night he called her up and dumped her. I suppose i should be proud of him he didn't just do it in a text.
Did I think they were going to stay together for a million years and get married? Nah. But this just seemed so SUDDEN.
When she didn't bring her phone downstairs on Thursday at bedtime I texted her and she responded saying Jackson wanted to "take a break." This take a break thing is such bullshit. That phrase didn't exist when I was dating - you either dated someone or you didn't, but as the dumper, you didn't get to make a breakup easier on yourself by saying "Yeah, it's just a break...you know, until we're ready to get back together." Wait...YOU just dumped ME, I wasn't wanting to be apart in the first place!
She was crying and kept saying "He said we can get back together..." and I had to be the one to tell her that he was really breaking up with her, not to delude herself...and she didn't believe me until he called her the very next night and said "Yeah, I think we should officially break up." Jackass! Please, just draw out the agony a little longer.
That first night I just let her cry, and my husband and I both talked with her about how much it hurts and that only time will make it better. Which sucks when you want your heart to stop hurting RIGHT NOW. But then I told her she needed to wash her face and get some sleep because she had school in the morning and she needed to walk in looking fabulous and acting fine. Don't give that boy the satisfaction of thinking he means anything to you anymore. I told her she could come home on Friday afternoon and fall apart for the next two days but for her sake, she needed to look good - and act like she felt good - on Friday.
She did it. She got up on Friday, took a few shaky breaths, took off the ring he gave her and went to school.
The boy tried to act like all was well between them. Calling out "Hey Girl" all friendly and sending her a text a few minutes later with freaking HEART EMOJIS. She is texting me then saying "What is he doing, mama?"
I don't know...assuaging his guilt?
She made it through Friday and when she got home I had brownies and Ben & Jerry's and Lindor truffles and Doritos so we could watch movies and snuggle on the couch and eat our feelings. Of course, in the middle of watching Superbad - completely inappropriate but I wanted to make her smile - he send the "breakup for real" text and then she dissolves into tears again.
The rest of the weekend was spent listening to sad songs, watching Ladybird and crying together and finally I called in reinforcements and had her friend Alex spend the night Saturday. They ate mozzarella sticks and watched silly Vine compilations together and she made it past Night 3, critical stage, of her first real breakup.
I am trying to help her make it through this knowing that even if this boy made the choice to end a relationship with her, this is still her story to write. I don't want her to question her self worth because some skinny kid rejected her. I am trying to help her keep her dignity in the midst of heartache because god knows we have all done stupid shit when we got dumped and our feelings were ripped to shreds. Even my husband told her about how he is still embarrassed, 20 years later, with how he behaved when his first love broke up with him at 19. I am also trying to help her be real about their chances of getting back together. We all know how badly THAT kind of fantasy can end. This kid's MO has been to date one girl until he meets someone he likes better, dump the first girl and within the week start dating someone else.
He sent her a message on Snapchat last night that said "I'm going to tell everyone tomorrow," and she responded "I think people already know." But she still sobbed afterward.
Today, Monday, she got up and got dressed and went to school again to face all the kids going "You and J broke up?" and do you know he TOTALLY wussed out! Suddenly he was sick. He still sent a Snap out to all his friends at lunchtime saying that he and my daughter broke up, that he did it and that there were no hard feelings. Yeah, whatever.
I know she will be stronger at the end of all this, and her heart will be a little tougher.
But she will also be a little less starry-eyed about love, a little less innocent and I'd like to egg the dude's house to let him know what a worthless chicken shit I think he is for breaking her heart.
I won't though. Gotta keep up appearances.
We just satisfy ourselves with shooting a bird at his house every time we drive by his street.
